Valentines Day

Yeah, like that has any positive meaning for a single girl. Good luck to all the lovers out there. I'm jealous .. no doubt about it.

So I weighed in this morning. A smaller loss this week than previously, however given that I've been a little amiss with the food thing this week, it's no surprise. One too many Portuguese chilli chicken burgers (dripping with full egg mayo and chilli sauce .. yum!) and a bit much chocolate. Together with a couple of days of slightly erratic eating - not enough meals and less than ideal calories. So I've learnt that food is crucial to my success. I think my metabolism can handle those couple of naughties (within reason), but I have to maintain my regular eating and keep those calories up around 1800-1900 a day to feed this machine. Lesson learned.

I woke this morning feeling a little ... queasy? Not full-on. More like a touch of altitude sickness. A tightness/weirdness/queasiness high up in the solar plexus. Not pleasant. So after about 6 wks of full-on training, I've decided to give myself the weekend off. I'll do my stretching later, but will give the weights and cardio a miss today. One of my goals in action - being gracious in the low moods.

Hey, for anyone that read the Thursday addition on craigharper.com providing education on "How to Operate a Bloke", I was inspired to "pen" (poetic licence!) the following in response. My first foray into a bit of (attempted) humorous, creative writing. Be kind.

Understand (and manipulate) your woman

Vive la difference

Yes, there's no doubt that the brains of men and women function differently. Not to mention their hormones and bodies!  But those differences only provide us with a lifetime of attraction, wonderment and a certain amount of misunderstanding and frustration. And you wouldn't swap all that, now would you? No, really. No, come on .... think about what you'd be missing. Oh, alright - so we as the fairer sex COULD be a tad easier to live with, in a perfect world. Well, here are some pointers that could see you achieve that "relationship nirvana"!

1.  Solutions are not always the answer

If she is talking/complaining/whining/screaming about something, take a moment to listen. But here's the good part - you don't have to listen too carefully to what she's actually SAYING. Listen to the tone.  The higher and more agitated the voice, the less likely it is that she wants you to FIX her problem. Just take her in your arms, murmur a gentle "there, there", pat her hair (you can even continue watching TV over her head), and say something like "you're so right .... don't let it bring you down - you're better than that .. " or some other supportive crap like that. She'll melt into you and you'll be the soft, emotional hero she wanted - all without too much effort from you.

2.  Learn to love her least favourite body part

And you know what that is. She goes on about it ALL THE DAMN TIME. But be pro-active here. Even if it's not entirely true. Get hypnotherapy if you have to. But tell her often how much you love her thighs/butt/tummy/arms and she'll begin to blossom in confidence. The benefits for you are two-fold. First, she won't complain about it nearly as much, and second .. well .. you know. (As a hint, commenting on how FEMININE that part is, is always a solid, believable tactic.)

3.  Have a backup to not being in the mood

Let's face it - you guys have a reputation for ALWAYS being up for it. And while we feign complaint about this, I'm not sure too many of us would actually want to change it! It's predictable. It's something we can rely on. So when it's not there, we - being women - will automatically think there's something wrong with us. Remember, while you guys grew up associating with superheros and wallowing in self-belief, we grew up trying to emulate Barbie. And that was never going to have a good outcome. So if you really aren't in the mood, try to replace it with something else she can associate with. "Do you mind if we just snuggle/cuddle" might be a winner. But then .. who am I kidding? If you're not in the mood, you're probably close to death. Hmmmm. Well, if you're not dead yet, just suck it up (princess) and do your duty. Believe me, there'll be less repercussions that way than giving your woman ANY reason to think there's something wrong with her.

4.  Why we need that many shoes

I know your argument is that we only have one pair of feet and can only wear one pair at a time. And of course, us being the equally pragmatic creatures that you are, we totally agree and vow to cut our collection down to the much more reasonable level of 4-5 pairs. Yeah, right. And pigs will grow big, fat wings and fly to the moon. What you need to realise is that the shoes and handbags thing has nothing to do with our anatomy .. we need different ones to match all our different moods. Now that you understand this, you can see that us only having 20 pairs is probably akin to us showing restraint!

5.  Why our hairstyling items and kitchen appliances are important

They are the equivalent of tools or sporting goods for blokes. Need I say more?

6.  Sometimes we just cry

Don't ask why. There is no why. And it usually takes a lot less than a dying dog in a silly movie to set us off. Sometimes we'll even deliberately watch a soppy movie to bring it on. Weird, I know. But it's therapeutic. You don't need to understand it. And you don't need to fix us. Throwing in something sweet and completely unrelated like "you're so beautiful", with a gentle kiss to the forehead can work wonders. Not to mention score you umpteen brownie points. And we all know what you can use those for.

7.  We are ALWAYS thinking

Yep. Always. And especially when you ask what's wrong and we say "nothing". Then our mind will be working overtime - often trying to telepathically throw daggers at softer parts of your anatomy! While we will try to understand that you are NOT always thinking, you need to accept that we are. But here is one opportunity where you can utilise your desire to fix things. Most of us will welcome some calming advice to help us quieten our thoughts .. or at least put some of them into perspective!

8.  Why we get upset with channel surfing .. and why we like complex movies

This follows on from number 7. Channel surfing just adds lots more snippets of stimulation to our already-overactive brains. Watching (and being able to focus on) just one thing is a welcome relief for us. But it has to be something that requires our full attention .. hence our penchant for complex storylines in movies. Just one thing to occupy our brain for a while? That's like a little mental holiday!

9.  Dealing with hormones

Hmmmm. Ummmm.... Sorry. I've got nothing. Hunker down and get through it as best you can. Try to say as little as possible that could be remotely taken in a negative way. Yeah. Good luck with that.

Yes, woman are complex, illogical, emotional little packages. We do have our redeeming features though. If it makes you feel better, many of us do feel a little sorry for you in trying to to navigate the minefield of female emotions and "logic". But while we have what we have, and are what we are, we know you guys will continue to keep coming back. Which ultimately gives us the power. And we're not about to give it up.

And when your woman is giving you grief, remember that the grass is probably not greener on the other side. For every gorgeous cover girl, there's also some guy that is putting up with her shit. And that would be some serious shit. The more gorgeous the girl, the more schmucks she knows will be lined up to take her out if this one can't handle it!

Happy Valentines Day!